There She Chooses
Written on July 17, 2026.
Nine years ago this week, I faced the hardest moment of my life. I physically left a 20-year marriage. I packed a few things and I moved out of my home.
This was not a choice I made lightly. I actually considered this choice many times over the course of the 20 years. But I didn’t think I had a true choice. For most of my life I was operating out of obligation, most of the time, unconsciously so.
When I finally made the conscious choice to leave the marriage, the day I had to put the physical action behind it and move out of the house was the hardest day of my life.
It’s interesting to me that I would label it that way. I’ve been through a lot of highly traumatic situations. I’ve been through things that no one should ever have to go through. And most people looking from the outside would label some of those things as much harder than leaving a marriage.
Here’s the difference - I got really good at handling things done to me. Challenging experiences and traumas imposed upon me by another person’s actions were a normal part of life for me. But you know what was not a normal part of life for me? Making conscious choices and taking actions that were in my best interest.
Choosing to leave that marriage was the very beginning of me learning to work a muscle I hadn’t worked before. And it was the most challenging experience I’ve ever had that resulted from me consciously choosing myself.
Over the last week I’ve thought a lot about how far I’ve come in making conscious choices for myself. Mercury retrograde in Cancer along with the New Moon in Cancer have given me a little extra assistance in evaluating where I’ve been and where I stand now.
I’ve spent the last 9 years practicing conscious choice. It’s not an overnight skill. It takes more practice than you think. Most of us live from unconscious obligation. It’s how we’re wired. It’s what this world teaches us to do. But once we become aware of that in ourselves, it’s very hard to unsee it.
I now live from conscious choice every day. And today it’s fairly easy. I’ve built those muscles through a lot of practice.
I’ve come home to myself. And it feels really good to be home.
Angela Dawn
Helping people come home to themselves
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